RelationShip Advice

Now before you go assuming, this article is for those with issues pertaining to secrets in their relationships...Or at least know someone with that problem....read on.....

When two people who are soon to be together first meet, sometimes you'll have one person not like the other one and begin to like them later on... Or it could be the "love at first sight".... I am here to say that the main thing that causes a relationship to fail is too much secrecy. Don't doubt it. Think about it....

When two people come together, what was own by one is now owned/shared by two, and/or your amount of personal space with belongings (if they were a live-in relationship) have become limited and even that space is shared. 

If the relationship (communication, sex, spending time, etc.) is good, the female/male always is open to sharing. Nothing is untouchable (excluding diaries, journals, private files (this changes if you were to marry of course)..). After a while, when a person that is accustomed to having their own space, notice their own space shrinking, they begin to grow irritable. It tends to show after awhile due to the fact their guard tends to drop because its hard to maintain composure when your beginning to feel aggravated. After a while, it loosens up everything they've maintained guard for. Secrets of the past, or new ones begin to be created.

Secrets that arise become toxic to the relationship. It often ends a lot of relationships that could have lasted years longer or even a lifetime because of what it is. It is not impossible to notice signs that secrets have formed and also, know how and when to develop a metaphorical callus so it will not effect you. Trust that in time, when/if the espionage is revealed, it will not bother you & you could either forgive, and continue the relationship, or forgive & move on in life. Either way that is beneficial for your future happiness with that person or else you would be wasting time. 

Is there a way to address the situation? Of course not. Especially if its with men. Men are often better liars then women because if they were the former "player" type, their lying game is on point so there's really no point in trying. If you do try, notice any increase in irritability, defense and possibly chuckles (if the man is a certified ass hole). However, if he was the "not really concerned with women" type, his actions would clearly translate that he is nervous and you will better on spotting when he is lying. 

With women, we often give a plethora of reasons why we shouldn't relay the secret anyway. We put our guard up and often become flustered, or emotional for those who are the whining "I never get my way" types. 

The best way to confront a woman is with hard evidence proving what is being hidden. Or you could guilt trip her into to confessing.

Now, depending on the severity of the secret (meaning, the impact it would have on the relationship) it could be able to be forgiven, or at least have an accommodation for it. Either way, if its not bad as it could have been, make it work.

But of course over time, if there are more secrets and accommodations continually get abused, its time to reconsider the relationship all together. 

Now that that's out the way, what if the same secret continually comes up with new issues for the accommodatee? It's time to approach the problem with an alta madam or call it quits. Obviously, what ever the problem is, it is more important than fighting to keep you happy in the relationship with that person. Don't  flat out, start searching for someone new, just be free with yourself for awhile. What ever the secret may be, if its lasted this long, it is indeed fatal for the relationship.

People want you to trust their words, despite their actions being contrary. It is a difficult request to have on someone for the simple fact, being 100% honest with your mate would mean that you are 100% faithful, responsible, loyal etc. Unfortunately, with so much temptation on the internet and peoples' ill-will, the amount of people wanting to have a good relationship cannot. 

Secrets can range from: 

• having children with someone else 
• a secret relationship with someone else
• a regretted "one time mistake"
• telling "white lies" while trying to change a conversation about anything

There are a lot more to list but I'm sure that we have grasped the concept. 

All in all, secrets always ruin relationships! If you cant be real with the person that you are with, why waste 'trust' they have for people for your selfishness? But then again, to those who are in situations like these, the key to it all is to become immune to the radio. Don't pay attention, don't give attention, don't reply & don't respond. That's my way of saying "I had plenty of time to talk to you while we were together, but you were to busy wasting time with someone else". The kicker of saying just that is if they can't even have the person they were ''affiliated with'' because of their own situation prohibiting such...

Who knows? It sucks because condoning in espionage always wins over those weak to temptation. If you don't believe that after everything I have just said, eh. Can't convince everybody :). Leave a comment